My knee still hurts from Saturday (being 28 with 2 bad knees sucks). My elbow feels better and up to doin some upper body working out. But I’ve been doubled over coughing every 5 minutes all day today! UGH!!
So now that I’ve told you I jacked up my knee at my wrestling show I can tell this. When Cundiff missed the field goal at the end of the game I completely forget about my knee and I jump off my bed yelling “HE MISSED IT HE MISSED IT!!!” over and over. I go to start running around the house yelling but I figure people I live with wouldn’t like that. So I hit the brakes. BOOM knee goes out I fall into my dresser and trip over my wrestling gear bag. I then start running in little circles yelling “HE MISSED IT!! HE MISSED IT!!” Then I figure I should probably stop yelling so I just beat the shit outta my chest king kong style!
Friday I did back and biceps with my trainer. As usual she absolutely destroyed me. She’s a evil little thing! I did an hour of cardio afterwards. I went home for a bit and then came back about 6 hours later to do round 2 of cardio, for 45 mins. I had to move the treadmills because we got a new one and it made the bike area tight so since I’m the only guy that works there this duty fell to me. I kept putting it off all week because I thought it was gonna suck, but it took maybe 5 minutes tops.
Saturday I went in and did another hour of cardio on my good friend mr. elliptical. Then I had my wrestling show. It was a good show. Fun match. I didn’t give the guy much but I came out hurting pretty bad. I did something to my knee to where I could barely bend it last night. and something to my elbow that caused mat burn and for it to be swollen.
Today I’ve done nothing but ice my knee and watch football. Been a lazy day it’s driving me bonkers I haven’t done anything but I can’t do much with an effed up knee and elbow.
So my brain has been in a weird place lately. I kinda know why it’s there but that’s not really what this post is about about so we just won’t get into that at the moment.
I’ve come to realize that life was soooooooo much easier when I was heavier. I’m not saying I want to go back to being 368 lbs, but it was so much easier then. I ate whatever I wanted to, didn’t have to worry about calories or macro percentages nothing like that. It was hmmmm this sounds good I’m gonna eat it and I’m gonna probably eat a lot of it.
Also I have no idea who the hell I am anymore. When I was bigger I knew my role, I had a good idea of how most people looked at me. I was the quiet big guy who would occasionally say some funny stuff. Now I have no clue how other people see me. I know I shouldn’t care about how others see me but we all care at least a little how others see us. It helps to know when thinking of approaching a member of the opposite sex or at least I think it does. I think I know why I don’t know how people see me though. I think it’s because the versions I see of myself don’t match up one bit. In my head I still see the 368 lbs Jon. When I look in the mirror I obviously see what everyone else sees but maybe a bit bigger than others do I would guess.
I think this mismatched self perceptions are really messing with me. Has anyone else here gone through this? I would really like to kill the fat me in my head but I have no clue how to. I mean I was that guy for 25 years. I haven’t been him for 3 years now but he still won’t go away. I dunno, I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening/reading.
In good news I was able to do back and bi’s for the first time since my back decided to go bonkers and hurt like crazy about 2.5 weeks ago. So I’m pretty pumped about that!
I suck at all this stuff but I would like a little place to put up old pictures ect I know it can be done on here because I’ve seen it but I have NO clue how to go about doing this. If anyone of you would be so kind as to help me I would love you forever and ever :)
I got 2.5 hours of sleep last night thinking about the same thing over and over and over. If I fell asleep right now I’d get 4 hours 3 minutes because I’m thinking about the same friggin thing!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr
okay so this is a little embarrassing to admit but I’m reading stuff on how to love myself because I really think I need to figure that out. The stuff I’m reading is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the complete opposite of me. It says to eliminate self-criticism, I think if I’m not hard on myself who will be? It says to Acknowledge Your Effort. I have a “you play to win the game” type attitude with most things, no moral victories. Let go of worry they say… I worry it’s what I do. I have a lot of work to do. This is only through 5 of 17 things this person is talking about…..
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
Yeah back injuries suck! Mine has been messed up a week. I think its just a pulled/strained muscle but its been keeping me from working out. I worked out yesterday though. I did chest tris bis and shoulders. I the the inclusion of the biceps was a bad idea. I tweeked my back again but its not as bad this this time.
I’ll probably take until Wednesday off and then give it another go. Until then its just cardio Woooooo :-\